Immortal Shadow
by Blue-Kool-Aid
Summary: “My chest constricted and I found myself desperately seeking air that I did not need. Wave after wave of pain crashed into me, destroying my very being.” Told from Edward’s POV. Takes place during NM, moments after he leaves Bella - this is Edward's pain.


**A/N**: Hello, again! Thank you to everyone who reviewed my other _Twilight_ fan fiction – it's very much appreciated! Here I am again, trying something a little darker. : ) Please enjoy, and take the time to leave a review! Constructive criticism is always welcome!

**Title**: Immortal Shadow

**Rating**: T

**Type**: One-shot

**Summary**: Told from Edward's perspective. Takes place during _New Moon_, moments after Edward leaves Bella alone in the forest - this is his pain.

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Immortal Shadow

From the moment that I left her standing there in the forest, my very existence seemed to cease. _It will be as if I'd never existed_, I'd told her coldly. Now those words rang true, as I stumbled – _stumbled_ – out of the forest. I'd been running – flying, really - but suddenly, my unnatural strength wavered and I had to stop, I had to slow down.

I stood stone-still in the grass for a moment before the thing that I was running from caught up with me. It crashed into me so hard that I could feel the breath whoosh out of my mouth. It clawed at my back, chest, face – everything - and somehow, it got inside and began to rip me apart.

My chest constricted and I found myself desperately seeking air that I did not need. Wave after wave of crippling pain crashed into me, destroying my very being as I finally sunk to my knees, arms wrapped around my chest. I was trying to hold myself together for fear that I would be torn in two.

The howl of agony that rose in my throat threatened to break loose, and I tried in vain to keep it securely there by gritting my teeth. Soon, though, my body began shaking and it could no longer be contained. The sobs followed, quiet and painful, depriving me of air and strength. I wanted so desperately to cry, to feel warm tears stream down my face, but of course, they wouldn't – _couldn't_ – come. The release that I needed was stuck in my throat as I shook and cried out.

"Bella," I whispered brokenly, "Bella, I'm so sorry." A flood of anguish rippled through me slowly, self-loathing following at the same agonizing pace. I realized that I truly hated myself, hated what I was. But it was for the best – I could not subject Bella to the dangers that came with being around me. She had to understand that she would be better off without me.

These realizations only intensified my suffering, and just when I thought that I had begun to pull myself together, the shaking and sobbing started again.

I don't know how long I was there, alone with my heartache, when I felt a gentle hand squeeze my shoulder.

"Edward, we must leave," Alice said to me softly. I was still on my knees and staring blankly ahead, barely registering the fact that it was now twilight. "The others are waiting."

I slowly rose, turning to face Alice. She looked how I felt – tired, disgruntled, and consumed by unimaginable hurt. I opened my mouth to say something – anything – but my voice refused to cooperate. It took me a moment to realize that my knees were collapsing out from under me.

Quicker than lightning, Alice had me in her arms. "Oh, Edward," she breathed quietly, embracing me tightly. "Everything will be okay."

I buried my face in her shoulder, trying to muffle my sounds of distress, as she gently stroked my hair.

We stood there awhile like that – her trying to comfort me, and I, trying to calm down. "Shh," she whispered, brushing her hand against my cheek. I truly didn't deserve family like her.

Moments later, we began walking. I didn't want to run because it would only remind me of just how inhuman I was. I could think only of Bella and what I had done to her.

Time heals all wounds – it was a phrase said many times over, until the words became nothing but meaningless jargon. Time could not heal my wounds – of that I was certain.

Because when you live for an eternity, time heals _nothing_; your wounds only continue to fester and grow, and there is no chance of escape – not even a quick, painless death.

Ice formed on my still heart and a creeping coldness settled into my bones. A life without Bella was not a life at all.

As I greeted my family quietly, I steeled myself for an existence of suffering and an eternity of darkness.

_Fin_


End file.
